Silent Scream
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Growing old is Mandatory,
Growing up is Optional.
#tweegram #personal (Taken with instagram)
Catching up on GLEE before I fall asleep
Have to go to the hospital tomorrow morning to get an xray.
I hate when plans change, hopefully it works out okay. My cast comes off on Monday, I find it stupid that they can’t do it the same day as the xray, means I have to travel into the city twice, and possibly on my own, which I don’t want to do.
I won tickets to Last Dinosaurs last week, so on friday night i’m going to that with Jordan.
My sleeping has been fucked for the past two weeks, so I’ve kinda fixed it, I just wish I didn’t dream, I had a shit one this morning and started crying, I hate how it gets to me, over the stupidest of things, I’ve spent the whole day trying not to burst out into tears, every things getting me.
I want to go back to last year.
I don’t like sitting here alone, I can’t stop thinking and it makes me cry
I got the cutest surprise for easter last night.
It was nothing big, but getting to see his face and spend time with him :).
I really need to fix my sleeping pattern too, I’ve been falling asleep around 6-7am the past few days, and waking up 5-6pm.
I have a few more episodes of this TV show i’ve been watching left; Switched at Birth, and now I have a game to play when I get bored (peggle)
Now I just need to make friends.. I really want to find a group of friends who do something almost everyday/night. Whether it just be chilling or movie nights.
I really want to get away from everything, hide away from the world.
Which is kind of what I’ve been doing, hiding away from the world, I haven’t left my bed unless its for DAL, and lately I haven’t been going..
I’m having trouble dealing with things, and I know that going away somewhere won’t help because i’ll still be thinking it, but to get away somewhere where no one knows me.. I think I need it.
I’m crying myself to sleep, and even with that I’m barely sleeping, I kept waking up every 2 hours today.
My mind is bringing up memories from knowhere and I wish so badly to go back to them. To see what I did wrong, to fix it. But I can’t fix it and it’s killing me.
My internet is being slow :(
making it difficult for me to watch this tv show cause it hasn’t all loaded.
i’m bored, i’m hungry, i feel like shit, i look like shit and i want hugs
I had an interview today
my second interview EVER
*crosses fingers* I really hope I get this job, it would mean so much to me, it would show me that I am going somewhere with life.
Wow, I’m a bit scared
walked out to get orange juice, everything was alright then I went to the toilet, when I came out the cupboard door in the laundry was open. I then walked quickly through to the other side of the house to get my juice, when walking to my room I heard something and turned around and our door stopper which is a ceramic rottweiler had been moved from its place to the center of the front door and facing me..
I’m not sure i’m going to get any sleep tonite, I don’t feel right hmm, little things, may sound stupid but hm
MOTHER FUCKING FUCK FUCK
I just smashed my leg on the corner of my bed… I haven’t done it in a while and this time it hurts way more OWWW it’s already bruised up.
My sister dropped me off at one end of brunswick street, and I walked all the way down to the other end for my eye appointment, they put drops in my eyes that stang and everything was blurry for a few hours, it’s a bit better now.
They shone light into my eye for almost an hour. He said he won’t cut into it because at the moment it’s not inflamed and if I just keep bathing it it’ll be okay, and he doesn’t want to because it will leave a scar.
First I saw this chick who mentioned my pupils where different sizes. I brought it up to the doctor and he said she had written it down so he looked, and said I could either be born with it or it could have something to do with my nervous system?
I had to make another appointment for 6 months, so he could check up on it and see if it’s anything serious.
I then walked to parliament but was kinda stupid and didn’t know where the entry to the station was aha so I then walked around the city aimlessely not knowing where I was going til I found flinders street.
Mom had just finished work and said she was going to see our new baby cousin Max, so I trained it to my cousins only to find out he had to go back into hospital for some tests. He was born with a valve to his heart closed, so he had to go in for an operation, then something else in his body closed poor guy :(
Now i’m in bed, I want to nap then I need to get ready and hopefully mom will drop me off at Tracys before they leave for Thornton. Then Tracy and I are going to Hollies 20th :) we are having pre drinks at Hollies then going to some club called Persaverance? which I’ve never been to before. so hmm
I’ve been applying for Jobs again all morning, and last night
One of the jobs I applied for this morning called me back just then, he was telling me about it and what I’d have to do then asking me questions, he got to the question ‘do you have a car/ are you able to drive’, I said no, of course because i’m still a learner and he begins to say ‘sorry’ and that it’s a ‘major role’ in the ADMIN job that I applied for.
I really need to get my hours up, and get a car. I need a job to pay for a car, also to pay for driving lessons seeing as they cost more than they used to. I just wish mom would let me drive, she used!! until she found out i’m not insured on the car, I even offered to pay her to insure me on the car, but no.
My emotions are all over the place, as usual.. mom woke me up early this morning so I could start looking for jobs, (she doesn’t believe me that I have been applying) even though there are around 900 msgs in my hotmail confirming I have been applying. She then came in and told me to get up and get ready because I have to go to centerlink.. I don’t want to go to centerlink, I have been to centerlink before and they have done shit, just like Break Thru. My mom then came in and told me that my dad told her to ‘grab me out of bed by the hair’ she then went on to say that I’m in trouble when dad gets home.
I don’t want to be home, I am scared
Got a call from my Mom at like 5:30, asking where I was, told her I was at Jordans Grandparents and she was like ‘oh, ugh’ I asked her why and she goes ‘I locked myself out of the house and no ones coming home til after 7’ I couldn’t help but laugh, poor thing the house keys are on the same chain as the car keys, so she couldn’t even drive anywhere ahah.
who’s coming to BANG tomorrow?
Go away headache I’ve had it since thursday it keeps going away then coming back and it kills. Been home for an hour, spent it all in my room, as usual. I don’t like being home, I don’t like being around my family, I don’t like living so far away from certain people.
I’ve had a good week Thursday was NEXT, Friday was Lenny and Marks housewarming, Saturday we went to the skate park then chilled, Sunday we went to his grandparents for lunch came back and I watched some tv whilst Jordan went to Melton then we had a few quiet drinks with friends. Monday another night by myself whilst Jordan went to the city to skate, then he came home and I ‘cooked’ us a nice dinner :) Tuesday we went to his other grandparents for the day then we came back, got ready and later in the night went to the Nevermind.
was good, i’m excited Valentines Day is coming up and Jordan is going to be my first every valentine :) it’ll also mark the one year of our first photo together with no one else.
So I’ve been cleaning my room most of the night, it’s looking better have a few small things to put away, then when I am home alone next week I will start going through my bedside tables and throwing out junk.. then to go through my drawers and wardrobe.. but for now I’m going to find these small things a home and relax.
I counted all my money as well, $821… $822 just found another dollar! and $327 of it is in coins -.-… now to not touch this money and put it towards a car.. man I need my license.
mom’s making quiche and a really nice pasta salad.
i’m excited for dinner. om nom nom
I haven’t been home alone since Thursday 19th (other than today), I’ve been hanging with the most amazing people, and a certain person in general.
I had the most fun, met some new girls and pre drank with them, played with a cute kitten, smoked some tasty hookah, drank by kiddie pools, got a bit sunburnt, KINGS CUP, drank with the girls in the hotel room before plastic, got wasted AT plastic, met new empire, hungover waterbomb fights, fashion keyboard, emmas apartment, anitas mom, the beach, dinner out with everyone, cute dinner dates :), the penguins, the turtles, the sharks.. the aquarium and mistys diner.
Tomorrow i’ll be going to Frenchies for pre drinks then heading off to next with her, then Friday am going to a house warming with some pretty awesome people :)
